After a moment or two of shock, I moved on to the next week's episode (air date July 1)
Warning: It's super long!!
Disclaimer: First time recapping. All translations were done by me.
This week's episode starts off with Murakami making a discovery about Matsuko.
Murakami: Did you lose weight?
Matsuko: No way!
Murakami: You've gotten thinner.
*Matsuko stares at the camera*
Matsuko: I can't tell since I look like this. I lost weight?
Murakami asks Matsuko what else can it be. Doesn't look like Matsuko agrees, so he keeps pushing the point which leads Matsuko to say:
Matsuko: Let's say I lost weight. So what? Are you going to sleep with me?
Immediately, Murakami says no. Of course, it's a no, so Matsuko wonders why it matters if she lost weight or not. Apparently he was just wondering if Matsuko started taking care of her body. Honest as always, Matsuko says that if she were the type to take care of her body, she woudn't have gotten this fat in the first place.
No arguments there.
Moving onto the first card of the night: Kochi Prefecture Gets Serious
As the show's staff was doing some research, they came across a website counting down to June 4:
Translation:
June 4.
Kochi prefecture will get serious.
The site even counted down to the very second. Naturally, the show called the prefectural office to ask what it's all about. The answer? They'll know if they come to the press conference on June 4. So off they go!
But in the meanwhile, here's some background information about Kochi. It has one of the lowest populations of all the prefectures (ranked 3rd from last), and boasts only 1 Starbucks. (In previous episodes, we learned that the number of Starbucks is proof of an area's economic stability and growth.) The area is also experiencing a bad economy despite having the highest number of shops in the whole country. It also has the lowest hourly pay and is ranked #1 in prefectures people have never visited. All Kochi has is Ryoma (please wiki it if you don't know who Sakamoto Ryoma is).
Why? It's tourist attractions aren't really attractions at all. That famous Horiyama Bridge? Nothing but a small red bridge crossing a stream. And that Katsurahama is just a normal looking beach. Even the tourists think nothing much of it. And what's with that slow moving train?
So, things are looking pretty bad for this prefecture. The answer? Kochi gets serious. How?
Kochi Prefecture = Kochi Family
Huh?????
Explanation: the prefecture will use the warmth of its people as its slogan. All Kochi residents are part of one huge Kochi family and they will welcome all visitors with open arms.
Reporter: So, you weren't taking things seriously before?
Ahem, Mr. Reporter, did you realize you're covering the chiji in the shot? Guess not. So the chiji answers that they have been doing their best, but getting serious means that they are just presenting the best aspect of the prefecture (it's people).
Reporter: (again covering up the chiji, much to Murakami's consternation) June 4th feels a little bit random....
Chiji: Well, it just so happens that the press conference fit into the schedule for June 4th.
(hah!)
Actress Hirosue Ryoko gets appointed as the spokesperson of the new Kochi slogan. And wouldn't it be great if she came onto the show? Only someone like her wouldn't give this poor little late night, scrappy show the time of day. So the next best option? Shimasaki Wakako obasan (auntie).
(Side note: Ok, I had to wiki her. She was an idol in late 80s, early 90s, and then moved onto variety shows and acting)
According to Shimasaki-obasan, Kochi has great food (ranked 1st in most delicious food for 3 years in a row). Kochi also has a good number of beautiful, scenic natural areas, the Yosakoi Matsuri - where both performers and spectators dance up and down the streets - and a big fighting dog. Shimasaki-obasan blamed her age for almost forgetting what foods her home prefecture is known for, but it could also have been the alcohol running in her blood.
Murakami: She's always drinking, right? When she's not working.
Matsuko: Yea. Well, it isn't good to say this, but she's practically full of alcohol.
Murakami: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Matsuko: Her cells are made of alcohol. I'm sure.
(Murakami continues to laugh)
Matsuko: That's why she doesn't stop sweating. And its a bad sweat, too. It's not smooth
Murakami: It's thick and oily (Sorry, I'm assuming this is what it means)
Matsuko: It's oily, that's why it doesn't dry, so its even more disgusting.
Matsuko then talks about how this makes her even more concerned about the worst 3 prefectures: Tottori, Shimane, Kochi. And how childish the staff was for messing around with the chiji and covering him up in the shot. Except she points out it wasn't the reporter's fault. The camerman could've just moved over. But as Murakami said, the camerman had no intention of moving whatsoever. So what does Matsuko think? That the show will end up being hated by all the prefectures if they don't start finding solutions to the problems they keep featuring. And whatever happened to Saitama?!?!?!?!?
Director: nod nod nod
Matsuko's reaction? "I really can't deal with this guy" (This is a continuing thing from the last episode: Matsuko vs. Uninterested Director) She wants more of a reaction from the director, but she gets nothing. And Saitama? Murakami will forever think Saitama = small boobs, A-cup.
One down, 46 more prefectures to go...wait, if all 47 prefectures hate on the show, does that mean it'll get cancelled???? Nooooooooooooooo!
Card number 2: Research on Current Graffiti
This topic started last week when they were talking about bathrooms and how there used to always be chain scribbling: so-and-so is stupid <-- the guy who wrote this is stupid, and so on until the very last: the stupidest one is you who read all of this. So they were wondering if graffiti like that still exists.
What did the show find? That most graffiti in bathrooms utilize whatever words or objects already found in the bathroom. Like using the words "Stop" and "Butt" (if you aren't already familiar with the technoloical greatness of Japanese toilets, now's a good time to start) to make the sentence: Stop! Not the butt! Or even more creative work like turning a toilet cover into a face, drawing a somersault, or the Tower of the Sun (Osaka). That last one is super creative....if I had that kind of imagination, I would've kept going down the design track. But alas, I am just your average, uncreative individual. I don't even graffiti on bathroom stalls.
But there's also lots of people writing complaints like "this job is too hard," or "karate is clearly stronger than judo." Um, ok. Anyways, all this graffiti is illegal and costs the city about 2 million yen a year.
But you can legally scribble to your hearts content at stationary stores! Actually this segment started in the last episode with Matsuko talking about writing creepy messages on those papers at the pen sections of stationary stores. She said taking a look at what's written on those papers would be interesting, so the show went ahead and did it. Talk about quick response.
The show found a collector of these scribble sheets - Terai Hiroki (33 yrs). Wait - someone actually goes around collecting those things? Huh. Wonder how that hobby got started. Terai-san has collected about 10,000 sheets in 6 years. He asks stationary stores nationwide to send them to him, and they do! He even has some from abroad. Now if only I could do that with clothes. Hey, I collect display clothing, can you send me what you don't need anymore? I'd never have to go shopping again!
Moving on, Terai-san shows us some of his collection, saying that he likes these scribble sheets because the artwork drawn on them expresses the true feelings of the writer. He can imagine different kinds of people by just looking at the scribbles. For example, a page someone covered in a single color was probably done by someone who wanted to destroy something (since it didn't matter to him/her if the pen ran out of ink, thus making it a useless product for the store), or one where a Chinese person wrote "I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't trust anyone." repeatedly obviously showed that the person was exhausted.
Terai-san takes us to the stationary section of a department store and shows us that currently, people love writing Goriki Ayane (popular actress), and older people prefer Takakura Ken (actor). But as people lose popularity, they appear less and less frequently on those scribble sheets. Everyone, but Ei Rokusuke (music composer and TV personality). The Chinese character for "ei" includes all the special ticks of Chinese characters, making it the perfect word to testing the feel of a pen. And when a person writes "ei," for some reason, they automatically write "Rokusuke." Hmm, what a popular name.
Popular catchphrases are also very common, thus making it super easy to see the current trends on these scribble sheets. (For the record, I'm calling the sheets of paper stores have for customers to test out pens on as scribble sheets just because I like how it sounds. And I don't know what they are called in English) Next time I visit Japan, I might make a beeline for the nearest pen section to read up on the latest slangs. Never want to sound too old school.
There's also drama written on these papers! My head hurts <-- You ok? <-- All better now. Although written by 3 different people who probably never read the messages other people left after them, its things like these that shows the warmth of human beings. I wonder if they are watching the show...
The next one reads: It's easy to write (with this pen) <-- Ugly handwriting <-- You too! Dramatic indeed.
This is Terai-san's favorite:
Why do people hate other people?
(Yea) Why do people hate other people?
So they can love them more.
I think it's so that they can learn.
There are lots of heartfelt messages, as well as your everyday messages. So why not take a look at what other people write the next time you visit the pen section? But why Goriki Ayane? Murakami thought it would've been Kyari Pamyu Pamyu, but they guess that people prefer writng kanji (Chinese characters). I would too. It's just prettier. Our hosts start musing that there's more to graffiti than the positive tone of the clip. Graffiti is chaos! Matsuko proclaims. She basically tells the show to do the segment again.
Card 3: We Want to Feed Matsuko Fresh Food Pt. 2
Last week, our hosts ate some interesting hybrid fruits, and one of them had to be eaten super fresh. Like the second it got picked from the tree. So the farmers sent an entire tree to the studio for Murakami and Matsuko. Since Matsuko only ventures out to 4 neighborhoods of Tokyo, she never gets the chance to eat super fresh food. So what will they feed her this time?
Oboro konbu - thin (0.01 mm thick) seaweed pieces shaved by hand. However, oboro konbu is not to be confused with tororo konbu. The latter is made from a pressurized cube of pieces of seaweed that is then sliced into thin pieces.
Tororo vs. Oboro:
The what is the rarest, best oboro konbu? The cat foot seaweed. Only found within a small region in Hokkaido, it is so rare that its called the phantom seaweed. Oboro konbu made from the cat foot seaweed is quite pricey: 500 yen for 10 grams. I'd rather buy a bowl of ramen. Much more filling.
This particular seaweed has 7 times the calcium found in milk, perfect for the always angry Matsuko. Because if you have a calcium deficiency, you would be irratable and cranky all the time. I think no amount of calcium is going to cure Matsuko of her anger. Plus, who would want a non-angry, non-irritatable, unsnarky Matsuko?
In comes Wada Hideo, president of a company that makes oboro konbu, with the cat paw seaweed in hand. He gets right to work (let's not waste any time here) and fixes a dried cat paw seaweed onto his rig. Murakami makes note that the president is using disposable wooden chopsticks, like they would in the olden days. And Wada-san gets right to shaving. Wow goes the audience.
Shave shave shave shave.
Murakami: Wada-san, if it's ok, can you say something?
Wada: Do you want to try some?
Wada-san gives Murakami some of the darker pieces because those are the most flavorful parts. So why aren't the on store shelves? Because the dark coloring makes the seaweed look dirty, so only the white colored shavings get sold.
Wada: Do you want to try a little piece?
Murakami: Ok, then we'll try a little piece.
Matsuko and Murakami share a small piece of the seaweed as Wada-san goes back to work shaving shaving shaving. Apparently it doesn't taste any different from other konbu (seaweed).
Matsuko: It doesn't really melt, does it? The dark parts.
Wada: ......What?
Ignored!? Murakami quickly repeats Matsuko's question. But Wada-san doesn't really get to answer before Murakami asks him to get back to working. As Matsuko and Murakami talk about the flavor, Matsuko mentions that you wouldn't eat the seaweed just by itself. And this reminds Wada-san of something. You eat it with onigiri, soup, and sashimi. Matsuko thinks that it would be good to wrap white fleshed sashimi around the konbu and eat it without dipping into soy sauce.
Murakami reads the prompt: We have delicious oboro konbu dishes.
Wada-san: Eh? You do?
Murakami explains that the show has prepared some foods to use the freshly shaved oboro konbu on. Only when the girl pushes in a cart ful off of sashimi, giant onigiris, and an electric kettle, Matsuko realizes that it was all pre-prepared. But hey! They can still use the fresh oboro konbu and make soup!
How? A little bit of soy sauce, a lot of hot water, and the magic ingredient: lots of fresh oboro konbu. Wait, why does that bowl (Murakami's) have more konbu than the other? Wada-san quietly adds more to her bowl.
First word out of Matsuko: Umai! (Delicious)
Never one to waste time, Wada-san asks them to taste the sashimi after a few sips of the soup. Oboro konbu wrapped sashimi really brings out the seaweed flavor. Now onto the onigiri! Well, ok, since he's rushing them...
Wada-san: Because I came from Hokkaido.
Matsuko: I don't think that has anything to do with it...
The onigiri is so good that Matsuko eats both of her huge ones and Murakami's half eaten one - all as Murakami makes small talk with Wada-san. Nom nom nom.
Murakami as Matsuko eats up his leftover onigiri in one mouthful:
Murakami: (to the audience and staff) You should say something to her!!
Matsuko: I held out and didn't eat the bento today.
Gulp.
Matsuko: Good for me.
Everybody: LOL
And Wada-san leaves the stage in a flash. Even taking off his head wrap before he gets backstage. I think that man can survive in bali-bali (hurry-hurry) Korean culture.
Card 4: This Announcer is Gaining Attention
Which announcer?
Matsuko: Isn't it Ueda Marie?
Bingo. Murakami reads/tells us that as Ueda Marie was eating alone in a Chinese restaurant, a stranger suddenly came up to her and asked if she was the person who knew the difference between a hot cake and a pancake. (Segment from a previous episode)
Ever the negative one, Matsuko says that lately, Ueda Marie has been prettying it up a little too much.
Murakami: Hasn't she gotten a lot prettier?
Matsuko: Even if you say she's gotten a lot prettier, there's a limit to it. It's Ueda Marie after all.
Lol. I wish I could make a snarky comment and get laughs like she does. Sigh. I could get away with saying so many things....
Murakami jumps as he looks into the audience. He's spotted her in the back of the studio!
Since she's already here, Murakami invites her onto the stage. As she sits down, Matsuko says with great umph, "You've gotten a little prettier, but it's good you have fat legs!" Matsuko likes that she's not perfect. Even Murakami mentions that everything can't be hidden with clothes.
And guess what? Matsuko's been a fan of Ueda-san for a while now.
Matsuko: You were on Oha! 4 (a morning news show) by mistake, weren't you?
Ueda: By mistake....
Matsuko: You were the only one that didn't fit in! It was like you were still working as a fisherman. And the your voice and the way you talked was weird. It was like "UWAA!!" (deep and throaty, like a man)
Anyone know what Matsuko is talking about? If you don't, totally fine since the show shows us Ueda-san from 3 years ago, on the show Oha! 4. She was a different kind of announcer: It always looked like she was glaring into the camera, and the 150% effort she put into hosting segments wearing a fish on her head was actually kind of scary.
Matsuko once again comments on Ueda-sans physicality (big and strong and healthy like). She thinks that it would be good for the announcer to have a healthy image.
Matsuko: Why don't you stop shaving?
Murakami: Go au naturale.
Matsuko: You should go around carrying a fishing rode. Like "I just came back from a trip to the sea."
And then Ueda-san informs us that her family actually runs a business renting boats and equipment to fisherman. She and I both are surprised by Matsuko's sharp insight. Actually, this isn't the first time Matsuko has displayed her amazing powers of observation, but it still amazes me everytime. It's like she has psychic powers. Well if she did, she'd be all powerful Matsuko Deluxe. And the world just cannot handle that.
Matsuko starts giving Ueda-san advice on gaining more popularity: get sexy. Since she's already gotten prettier, the next step is sexiness. But how? Ueda-san should change her shoes because the ones she's wearing? They look like the ones middle-aged women would wear. And Murakami agrees, saying that those are the kind of shoes his mom would wear when she goes out. Close up on the shoes...yep, those are definitely old lady shoes.
And what about the way she behaves? What would Ueda-san do if a manager told her to do a task?
Ueda: Ok. I will.
Murakami: (taking note of Matusko's reaction) That's wrong. That's not it.
Matsuko: You should be more sexier.
Murakami: Be more feminine.
But after thinking about it a bit, and realizing that Ueda-san is just naturally not sexy, she declares:
"You're too difficult! You're a fisherman! A fisherman! You're better off as a fisherman!"
Murakami and Matsuko conclude that Ueda-san is just a good hearted person. However, Matsuko warns her that good-hearted announcers don't make it big. Ueda-san thanks them for their advice and leaves, bowing waaaay too much.
SAVE THE WHALES, EVEN HAVE EYES TORN
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